Saturday, March 12, 2016
Yesterday, it was brought to my attention that a so-called "friend" did not appreciate me posting Raleigh's Go Fund Me Page. She sent me a text of my Facebook post with Raleigh's picture saying "It was annoying enough the first time." OUCH.
Never did I think that someone whom I considered a friend say something like that.
So this is my public service announcement. I will never stop posting, talking about or wanting to tell you about my daughter. SHE IS MY ENTIRE WORLD. If I am asking for help via a go fund me page, in person, needing a meal or whatever I ACTUALLY NEED HELP. I am very independent. I do not like asking for help but if I am big enough to swallow my pride and ask for it I do not need your rude comments.
I made the go fund me page because so many people have asked me how they can help. There isn't a lot you can do other than meals, prayers and donations to pay the bills. When we are at the hospital Luke has had to make the decision of if he will be there or if he will go to work. When he is at the hospital he does not get paid. It seems to be a vicious cycle. Not working to be there for your family, means that you aren't making money, to pay for the bills that are coming.
We have a lot on our plate right now. We are not the perfect Facebook family. Luke works so hard and then comes home and does homework every single night and repeats. I have to be on full alert of Raleigh constantly. I check on her every night to make sure she is doing okay. If she cries in the middle of the night I get worried she's getting sick. If she gets sick, even a cold, we can end up in the ICU. Every time she gets sick it has just been getting worse. I am STRESSING keeping her healthy for her April diagnosis procedures and appointments. One of Raleigh's lungs is bigger than the other and I AM NOT OKAY WITH THAT. That is not normal! How am I supposed to feel about that?
I am a real person. I am a mother. When my child hurts I hurt. I wish I was going through this problem instead of her. I have no control over this situation, I can't help pay the bills, I can't get a job. I can't make her lungs the same size. I can't make her breathe normally on her own. When she is sick, she has to be on machines that can do it for her. I can't fix anything. I have no control over any of it. I am helpless.
I'm terrified, but pretending I'm strong. I have to be strong for my baby. I am grateful I live in this day in age where instead of dying she can be treated.
I'm not saying any of this so you will pity me. I'm not writing this post wanting your money. I'm saying it so maybe those who have not understood why I have created the page or why we do the things we do will understand. I need your empathy and I need your support.